Clitoris Information

Orgasm, ejaculation and intercourse - pleasure for men and women!

What of the woman's role in prolonging lovemaking and overcoming premature ejaculation? 

First, the things that won't help much. Desensitization creams may delay his orgasm, but they will also numb your vagina. Using two condoms is like making love to a piece of chewing gum. 

Distraction - thinking about the nastiest things possible - is a bit of an insult to you.

He's supposed to be making love to you, not thinking about his taxes, or sex with the ugliest woman he can conjure up....although that might make him come even more quickly, I think.

That's because men sometimes use premature ejaculation as a way to escape form a sexual situation they don't actually want to be in in the first place....And drugs like Tramadol have a lot of side-effects.

So what does work? The answer is to train his body so it doesn't react to the stimulation of your vagina with an ejaculation. This is just a reflex he's learnt over the years - it's quite possible to reverse it, and unlearn this response.

It might seem like hard work, and it might take a while, but it's worth it because it works.

And, you know what? It isn't so hard to learn how to slow down and become a longer lasting lover. It needs dedication, sure, but it isn't like you're studying for a degree.

You can enjoy the whole process, and it might bring you closer as a couple. If it doesn't, maybe you're not the right guys for each other anyway. Just a thought. If you want to know how to pleasure a woman, then maybe you can look up some useful information about giving a woman sexual pleasure - this looks very useful for men who need to know how to pleasure a woman in bed.

But once you are making love again, you need to remember that sex is not just about the guy being dominant. You have a role in making sex last longer too. How excited you are will directly determine how excited he gets - and how quickly he gets off.

You need to learn how to slow him down or speed him up while you make love. Of course this requires open, honest communication between you - but you're two adults, aren't you? You can talk to each other during sex, can't you?

So what am I saying? Well, let me tell you this. You can learn to come during intercourse - not just occasionally - but every time. And, as you move to your own orgasm, you can slow your guy down or you can speed him up so that you come together just about whenever you want. Yep, after as long or short a time making love as you choose, you can have simultaneous orgasms! 

No doubt you'll have read all the statistics about how so few women get off during intercourse, and how we all need direct clitoral stimulation from fingers or tongue to come. Well, that's not true. If you learn how to stimulate your clitoris during intercourse by positioning yourself during sex in the right way, you can get off easily.

This is stimulation that comes from the movement of your two bodies, not by playing with yourself. And you can keep your guy moving slowly while you speed up, or vice versa, so you reach orgasm together. And believe me, in some positions you can both go on for ever - well, almost.

A pretty long time, that's for sure, which means that you certainly can both come together. Whichever of you is lagging behind can get extra stimulation and put on a spurt, so that you come together.

And even though you'll have read lots of literature which tells you that simultaneous orgasm isn't that special, and don't be disappointed if you don't reach it, in my experience there is nothing like a simultaneous orgasm to provide a profound sexual experience. 

So - want to know how it's done?

OK, but you're going to need some other information first. About the clitoris. Ready? You never learnt this in Sex Ed 101, that's for sure.

Helen O'Connell, a doctor in Australia, has described the structure of the clitoris in great detail - and it's actually pretty big! You know about the glans of your clitoris - the bit you can see under the hood - but underneath it lies a much bigger shaft that goes down into the body and splits to form two legs around the sides of the vagina. According to New Scientist magazine:

"The 'body' of the clitoris, which connects to the glans, is about as big as the first joint of your thumb. It has two arms up to 9 centimeters long that flare backwards into the body, lying just a few millimeters from the ends of the muscles that run up the inside of the thigh. Also extending from the body of the clitoris, and filling the space between its arms, are two bulbs, one on each side of the vaginal cavity." 

The fact that your clitoris surrounds your vagina means that what happens during sex inside your vagina can stimulate your clitoris and produce an orgasm - if you know how to move your body during lovemaking.

Why this matters - clitoral and vaginal orgasms

So the clitoris is not the tiny pearl of flesh, peeping out from under its hood, that we had previously imagined. What does this mean for sex?

At first sight, the fact that much of the clitoris is hidden beneath the flesh of the body might make you think it cannot be stimulated during lovemaking. It's a bit like a penis buried in the body that only has its glans available for stimulation, right?

Well, yes, in the sense that you or your partner can rub or or lick the head of the clitoris, and that can produce an orgasm.

But in addition, as your man thrusts in and out during intercourse, his penis will pull on the bulbs and shaft of the clitoris which surround the vagina, so that as his penis moves back and forth, the force may be indirectly transmitted through the clitoris to its glans. 

To reach an orgasm like this may be quite difficult and take some time. Perhaps this is why it seems so difficult to get to orgasm through vaginal stimulation alone.

Most men simply cannot thrust for long enough to provide enough of the gentle indirect stimulation which will build up slowly toward orgasm.

(The exception is men with delayed ejaculation, who can thrust for a long period of time without reaching orgasm and ejaculating.)

So if this is a route to orgasm for a woman, then obviously intercourse has to be a prolonged affair. And, yes, it is a recorded fact that most women - however much they like penetration - do indeed reach orgasm through direct clitoral stimulation, not through the indirect pull of a penis in their vagina on the bulbs and shaft of the clitoris. 

So, if you want the pleasure that comes from an orgasm while your partner has his penis inside you, you both have to be a little creative, to do things a bit differently!

To understand how it's done, we need to look a little more at the anatomy of the clitoris.

The shaft which is topped by the glans and hood has a bend in it, so that if you could see it all clearly, without the overlying fat and skin, it would look like a crooked finger beckoning you towards it.  

The outer layers of skin, fat, and muscle have been dissected away, and the penis is shown in simplified cross-section for position only.

You can see how the clitoris bends down into the body a little way along its length. It also splits into two at this point, and the two shafts surround the vagina. 

When the clitoris gets swollen and erect during sexual activity, the bend straightens out somewhat. That's why the glans pokes up and out of its hood when a woman's aroused.

However, the forked shaft of the clitoris cannot move - it's in held in place by tiny internal ligaments that allow a limited degree of movement up and down the midline of the body.

The end of the shaft of the clitoris, just at the point where it forks, is located above the woman's public bone. Between the pubic bone and the clitoris is a layer of fat and muscle which forms a little cushion for it.

A man's pubic bone is right above the root of his penis, and it is also covered with a padding of muscle and fat. OK so far?

Orgasm during intercourse isn't so difficult: and that is true for both a woman and a

Man With Delayed Ejaculation

This is how you do it. If a man and a woman making love are about the same size, the female partner can maneuver so that her clitoris lies between her pubic bone and her partner's.

She then has to move so that as the man finishes his inward thrust, she rolls her pelvis down and outward. This means her clitoris is squeezed between his pubic bone and her own.

It needs a bit of practice, but you can do it with a downward roll of the pelvis just before your man withdraws. The net effect is to move your clitoris downward as his penis enters your vagina.

At the end of his thrust, your clitoris will move upwards with light pressure and some friction. 

catherine yronwode describes it like this: "With each thrust of the penis, the glans of the clitoris is rubbed along her partner's padded pubic bone and the shaft of the clitoris is given a downward and then an upward tug. The upward friction-stroke of the clitoris - caused by the downward pelvic roll she makes at the end of the inward stroke of his penis - is the more pleasurable of the two directions." 

The woman's clitoral stroke can be anything from half an inch to one and a half inches long, depending on how big her clitoris is, how much she moves, and and how flexible she is.

Now, the important thing here is of course a woman's sexual pleasure, but there are other benefits for a couple of having a sexually active woman who is easily able to reach orgasm.

If you want to get greater control over orgasm during sexual intercourse, you (that is, the female partner) can sit atop your man and have him lie still while you experiment with different movements to find which best stimulate your clitoris during sex.

This can be a much easier way of learning the moves that will stimulate you while still giving him pleasure than by trying during intercourse while he thrusts.

Once you know what you like, you can do the appropriate movement while he enjoys thrusting.

This techniques does mean that a woman has to be more assertive during sex than perhaps she has been in the past.

But to ensure that her clitoris is stimulated in a way that can result in an orgasm she must move in the way that suits her, even if this disrupts the usual pattern of thrusting for her man. She can also control how long intercourse lasts.

By moving her buttocks outward and reducing the pressure on her clitoris as it lies between the pubic bones of her and her partner, she can delay her orgasm while her partner continues to thrust, and because he's quite likely to come when she begins to have an orgasm - the sensation of her vagina pulsing around his cock is too much for most men to withstand - she can control the length of intercourse to some degree. 

If a woman wishes to slow her man down while speeding herself towards orgasm, she can tell him to shorten his thrusts or be still for a while. These shorter thrusts will place less friction on his penis and this means he will last longer, while she can still enjoy a full clitoral stroke as she moves, which will bring her to her own orgasm faster.

The best positions for the woman to exert more control over intercourse and how long it lasts are side by side and woman on top.

She can control it especially well from the woman on top position if she is assertive about how much she moves and how she moves; whereas in side by side sex positions, men last much longer because they cannot thrust much.

All in all, a little experimentation will ensure that a couple can find a position where simultaneous orgasm becomes a regular feature of lovemaking - but only if a man has learned to control his ejaculation!

Behavior therapy is a very practical approach to overcome premature ejaculation. The most common approach is the technique which was introduced by Masters and Johnson.

When a man believes he is about to ejaculate he stops stimulation - which probably means stopping intercourse - and either he or his partner squeezes a point on the penile shaft just below the coronal rim between his thumb and the next two fingers.

This squeeze should not use particular force, but it should be hard enough to cause a slight decrease in rigidity of erection and loss of arousal. Now, whether or not this is a technique which reinforces sexual pleasure is debatable!

The squeeze is applied for up to fifteen seconds or slightly longer, after which sex is resumed. The idea is that the disincentive to arousal habituates the man to a slower pattern of bodily arousal and sexual responses, and enables the man to  gain greater control over his responses without resorting tot he squeeze.

Unfortunately the results of this process are not permanent, and it is now regarded as a generally unsatisfactory method of learning ejaculatory control.

 

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